ungghh

You said you missed me, you said you wanted to apologize.
I hold apologies in high regard, it would mean a lot to me.
you said lunch
because you said we should at least talk.
so where are you?

you haven't changed a bit.
so why do I miss you for this frustration you always gave me?

I hope no one ever reads my ramblings...

"I usually figure that the reason most people don't talk to me is because they could care less about me.
now someone misses me and i don't know who it is"

Sometimes I really miss you

You show up in my dreams, over and over again, and each time I wake up crying. You coming back to me is against the odds and thats what I've got to face, But even though I know this, I'm too stupid, too confused too hopeful, too something to realize that it really is the truth. I wish I could realize it, because every now and then, when I really have forgotten about you, you show up again. Not in a physical manifestation, but somewhere in my thoughts, in my dreams, It seems you never really did escape me. Or was it me trying to escape you? it's driving me insane, I can't stand it, the worst part is I can't controll it. Whenever something reminds me of you, it reminds me of you too well. And it's in those moments and those moments only that I can remember everything you said, the exact way you would look at me, kiss me, hold me, talk to me.
These moments make me cry.
Because it was all so perfect, It was all so sweet, and it makes me miss you so much that it hurts.
And when it hurts, it hurts so bad that I do irrational things.
I shouldn't have talked to you again, I shouldn't have told you I missed you, because you said you missed me too.. and now I really can't get you out of my mind.
Sometimes I wish I never met you but when I wish this I know I am lying to myself. I am glad I met you I just wish you were back here with me, muttering sweet nothings in my ear.

I lied. I wish I never met you because then I wouldn't be in this predicament. This predicament that makes me feel like a crazy over obsessive girl. I wish being a obsessive girl was at least in my power to control. It's not that I can't forget about you, It's that my subconscious won't allow me.
If I get get rid of the dreams of you, Maybe I could get rid of you.

I wish I never told you that I missed you, but most of all I wish you never told me that you missed me too
I hate it because it gives me hope.
and that is the same reason why I am secretly happy you said so.

This Is All Too Much.

I don't think I will ever know,
If it was you,
The idea of you,
Or who I wanted you to be,
that really got to me.

I think I wanted you,
to be him.
In all aspects, save for a few.
Those few that destroyed.

And maybe as it turns out, you were too much
too much like him.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to say.

I should leave it alone.
But I can't
I have to, Need to, Want to know.
Exactly why.

So maybe I will make a fool out of myself
Just one last time.
and maybe this time
I will learn.

The Lonely One.

How could I forget.
The boy that loves you.
The one that can't live with out you.
the one who is so attentive.

And he means nothing to you.
Or a fraction of nothing.
Just a whisper on the wind.

When he says he loves you.
Is it okay to just say thank you and walk away?
And when he spends hours, writing that song for you.
and you won't even meet him in person to hear it.
So he plays it for you on the phone.
and you don't even listen.

Is this what you have come to?
A shadow of a being.

Or is there some reasoning behind this.

I think this happens a lot.

And I wonder, where exactly this is going.
But I am too afraid to ask you.
Too afraid to ask what you want from me.

So maybe I will just sit here, and think.
and over analyze every little thing.
until it drives me mad.

Maybe I am just too hopeful.
I should have learned by now.
Don't speak.
Don't think.
Just act.

I really wish it was that easy.
It should be.
So tell me.. what is it about you that gets to me?
if I know, would this make things easier on me?

No, I'm just fucked. I think too much.
I kind of wish I never met you.

But now That I have, I am very glad that I did.
..I think.

Where Fairy tales die

You could say it came about by random chance
A shared thought of pattern,
But in the end, it always turns out the same
or does it?

Soft touches, and soft kisses
until passion turns those things into something different entirely
Until we are rolling around in the summer grass
every inch of our bare skin being eaten alive
we couldn't have cared less,
who was or was not watching
because we were playing the roll of lovers
rolling around in the summer grass


And when I stop, only for a moment
to look into your clear blue eyes
you look amazed
and I find myself asking why
only to have you respond
that you were simply amazed by my beauty
" I want you "

and this is were I become soft hearted
hoping that this one turns out different.
because there was something different,
yes you posses the lust that all men have
but you failed to act upon it, and not from your own choice I know
but simply because
I am hoping to believe
that you would never hurt me.

A Wish

I wish to feel smaller under your sheets. I wish for the whole truth every time you speak. I'm thinkin' about how you care half as much for me While I watch you arrive, smoke cigarettes, sleep... And I guess it doesn't matter what I say or what I seem You stuck what I felt for you in the pocket of your jeans Ignoring me the morning after isn't enough and I swear I'm gonna cry. I'm sick of tryin' to be tough. And my blood won't stick To the confines of my veins. And your heart Is gonna tear mine away. And I wish to feel smaller under your hands, though you seem satisfied as you slip mine down your pants. And I'm thinkin' about how you care half as much for me While you lift up my shirt after asking politely. And I guess it doesn't matter what I am or pretend to be Cause it's her you'll always love and it's her I'll always envy. I want to end this now so dreams of you won't keep me up. But I swear I'm gonna cry. I'm sick of tryin' to be tough. And my blood won't stick To the confines of my veins. And your heart Is gonna tear mine away. And it's hard to find What I want When it's buried beneath the biggest rock. I could pay lots of money To help lift it with machines But I'm not sure you'd cooperate. Not sure you'd come clean. And I wish to feel smaller under your sheets. I wish for the whole truth every time you speak. And I'm thinkin' about how you care half as much for me As I watch you arrive, smoke cigarettes, sleep...And I guess it doesn't matter what I say or what I seem You stuck what I felt for you in the pocket of your jeans. Ignoring me the morning after isn't enough and I swear I'm going to cry. I'm sick of tryin' to be tough.

Its 5am and where did this come from?

I lost track of the time that came between us
The days slipped by into weeks
The weeks into months
And yet, we can still find each other.

At first glance it may seem that all was the same
But in secret we hold desires
That neither of us had ever even dared to speak

A simple touch, and soft kisses
And before we could stop it was too late
palms sweaty and hearts racing
It was nothing
And it was everything

And here we go again
Can nothing ever be simple?
never not with the horomones, the drugs,
the ex-girls friends, the new girls, and the one
who is always in love.

And of course we could never forget the one that left
now could we?
And now lets remember that second chances dont exist
So you better make sure this one is worth it.

And Lets think back, to all the wrong choices you have made
can you connect them?
Are they really so helpful,
when you are trying to make this one?

And here comes another peaceful sleep
The kind where your warm arms are wrapped around me
The ones where I wake up to find
That I am the source of your tired smile.

And how simple is it to pretend that this never happened
But we could never do that now could we?
No, you have already made that quite clear.

And so maybe we can still take our midnight walks
The rain pouring down on us
as we kiss in the feild.

Or maybe I will just find myself wishing that none of this happened
wishing for something that will never be.
That couldnt be

Or maybe, This is everything we were searching for
everything you wanted.
everything I wanted
And why does this sound so familiar?

Oh I recall now, we have had this discussion
what was it now that you have said on countless occassions
" we are perfect for eachother "

Perfect, But we had one exception did we not?
Either way, that exception clearly does not matter anymore.

So lets say whats done is done
Because its tearing me apart to think of it
And so I will fall asleep
wishing I was with you
Because you could be my everything.

Revenge.

Please, Fill my head with your sweet words
the ones that mean nothing
I will hold your nothings very close
And realize, too late
That I really am just that useable

We layed on the fresh spring grass, watching the stars.
There was a whisper of love on your lips,
oh you lie so sweetly

Your questions break my heart,
And I only ask for the impossible,
For you.

You said there was no time,
No time to explain,
No time to say goodbye.
No, I dont understand.

What was there to prove,
That everything was as you feared?
That there was no turning back?
Or was it for a simpler reason.

This time there was no goodbyes,
Just tears, and restless sleep.
Let me slip out the door at 4am

Simply because it hurts too much to be near you

But before I walk away, Just let me say

That I miss you..

Day Old Hate

So lets face it, this is never what you wanted
But I know It's fun to pretend
But now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have
Are all I have

So drown me, if you can
Or we could just have conversation
And I fall... fall... falter
But I found you before I drift away

Now you still speak of day old hate
Though your whole world has gone up into flames
And isn't it great to find that your really worth nothing?
How safe is it to feel safe

So drown me, if you can
Or we could just have conversation
And I fall... fall... falter
But I found you before I drift away

The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to keep ourselves alive

- Dallas Green

Love me not.

The stars are falling, exploding.
Their shards floating through the air like diamond dust.
Sparkling in the moonlight,
Captivating beauty

She cries softly as he holds her close
Their hearts beat as one
His love, is nothing
Silence.

Sorrow pours down over the city streets
Washed up in despair
There is no room for tears at the bottom of the ocean
Six days.

There are no words of departure
No sweet reconciles
only bitter silence

He speaks to her softly
It was never supposed to be this way
She lays in his arms,
She lays alone.

Dreams of darkness,
Captivate your originator
Fall into nothing
Those who tell the truth shall die.

Say goodnight, my beloved