Am I still your nightmare?

I just can't seem to fall asleep these days.

How sad I am to say I miss you.

But I can say it sincerely, and I can say it honestly.

And I say also, that I will never forget you.
I'll never forget the way you made me feel,
I'll never forget the words you whispered so kindly to me.

I still have everything, all the memories, all the notes.
I will store them away in the back of my mind, just to remind myself.
That I'll never be good enough.
That I never was.


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I'm so in love with the idea of you.
I live in a city of delusion.

Stay away from me,
Build a fortress and shield yourself.
Can't you see how rotten I am.

Can I believe, when I don't trust?
All your fairy tales will one day turn to dust.

But I've been surprised for this long.

Break these walls down.

--------------------------------------------------------

I chose to hide.

I want to enjoy the consequence

I wish to give, to take, to make to shake.
I want to see it happen.

I want to see, to be.
The one that plays the game,
without no fears and regrets.

I want to know you, better than I know myself
I want to feel the end.
And enjoy the consequence.

I'm playing the game, the one that will take me to my end.
I'm waiting for the rain, to wash who I am.
____________________________________________________

I will be fearless.
And I have yet to regret a thing, and in the end,
I will enjoy what I am served.
Because I know whatever it is. I deserve it.

I am the one that picked this out for myself.
I can't say that for all things, but this I can.
How easy it would have been for me to say No.

Easy, yet something I just couldn't do, because it wasn't what I wanted.

In the end, I can't regret this, because I will remember, that at one point,
it was what I wanted. Very much so.

_____________________________________________________

The key to my past.
If you had any idea how destructive those words are.
I should be careful.

Because if that's ever unlocked, were going to have a flood baby.

And it'll just be you and me.
I know there's not enough walls to hold that back.
Not forever.

Just for as long as I have the strength to maintain them.

I'm sure none of us our ready to get our feet wet yet.

Mud.

I'm losing myself again.
Just as surly as I've lost you.
I'll lose you over, again and again
In different forms, in a different way, each time.

But every time, its the same thing I'm losing.


I don't think you loved me for who I was.
I don't think you ever saw that.
I think you loved me for the pain that was inside of me.

No, I will never go there.

I'll watch my life fade before me
Just as you did, on that snowy December day.

Only, as my vision fades to the black that comes after the gray
There won't be any words of comfort. There won't be any chance,
That things will be alright when I wake up.

I don't think comfort will ever feel the same again.
Not now that I've seen that it's just a rosy veil thrown over our eyes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

And now that it's too late, I'm not sure if this is what I really wanted.
Not like this anyway.

What is this going to amount to, besides a whole lot of pain, destruction, and suffering.
I can't see the good in this.
The only thing I can see, is the good in you.

Maybe it's enough for you, to be able to hold the whole of me in your hands.
But it's certainly not something I can deal with for long.
I'm just not built for this.
Not any of this.

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So I'm calling your ass up,
At like three in the morning,
Saying wake up, young dragon
Lets go get compromised.