The Ramblings of a Shadow

I suppose this begins at Atlas, and how they found out about the wall. I don't think boys are supposed to know about the wall, or at least, I've never found one that did.

He wants answers and I don't have any, I feel like I am swimming in my own head. I don't have answers for myself, how can I have them for anyone else?

I fell empty and dead inside. This is hard for me. I've always ran away, or thought I was the one running away, before this. I see now, It wasn't me who was running away, but being ran from. But thinking that your the one doing it, makes it easier to bear.

I feel like i have given all I have. I feel like there is nothing left to me. But that's not good enough. I haven't felt like this in a long time.

There is a bigger problem as to why I can't talk to him. But I'm still figuring out what it is. Or even where to find it. But I don't know how.

I don't know why he wants to talk sometimes. He says he feels satisfied with everything he knows about me. But he doesn't want to be satisfied with it? I don't get that part. not all all. You should either want to know more about someone or not. I want to know more about him. I have since we met and I know I don't know everything there is to know but I also know that whatever else is in there, is going to take a long time to come out, years maybe.

I am sure that even at the end of our lives, I still won't know everything and I'm okay with that. I learned that it's impossible to know everything about one single person.

All you can do, is learn enough about them, so that you can understand why they are the way they are. So you can understand their moods, and what to do when they feel a certain way, so that you can always be the one there, even if you don't understand, giving your silent support, and letting them know, that no matter what you will be there to help them in anyway.

But I can't seem to do even that part right for myself half the time, let alone for anyone else.

I wish I knew what I was so scared of.

Sometimes its hard to talk to him, because I feel like he doesn't understand me, that he can't understand me.

I don't want to stop trying, I just need to find something that we can both relate to.