Hello. My world has gone dark.

Pull yourself together,
So that you can pull me together.

Care about yourself, so that I may too.

Build a house.
A home.

Save me.

I was a landscape in your dream.

What kind of labyrinth is this.

You haunt my dreams.
Your eyes alight, touch soft.
Putting the spark back into my heart.

That warm comfort
Illusion.

My thoughts bring me only your dark eyes.
Whispers.
Of a love lost.

Let me cry myself to sleep one last time.

I can't seem to find the words
To tell you what I'm holding on to.
To tell you why I can't let go.
I can't find the words.

I want to be near you.
So that I don't have to say a word.
I want to see you.
Just so I can remember.
I want to hear your voice.
Just for the melody.

I was never good at asking for things.

Just tell me everything will be okay.



I want to be where you are.

Darkest Dream

Distance versus time.
cutting versus down to size

Focus versus tears
versus how did I get here's
Versus curses in your eyes


There's a fire starting starting here
Versus there's nothing to fear
versus lonely
versus safe

Love versus shame.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're haunting my thoughts.
You're haunting my dreams.

I can't seem to get you out.
I can't seem to get you in.

I shouldn't be thinking like this.

What did we do.
Where did we go wrong
Why am I figuring it all out now.

I'm being pushed back.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You shattered me perfectly
Completely.

How did it look to watch my heart shatter before your eyes?

It's like ruby shards falling through the night sky, mingled with the crystals of your tears.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Destroy me this way.

I'm laying.
I'm falling.
I'm empty.

It's dark.

I'm happy.
I won't speak.

This is everything I wanted.
My worst nightmare.

Thoughts of you filter through my mind.
Things that were.
Things that are.
Things that could have been.
Things that were never possible.

Get out of my head.
Get out of my head.

I won't regret a moment.
Be happy.
Be strong.

Lovers that have never met.

Dark skies and fading lights.
Swallow me whole and spit me back up.
So I can wallow in this filth.
And remember what I am.

Not fair

Oh he treats me with respect
He say's he loves me all the time
He calls me fifteen times a day
he likes to make sure that I'm fine

you know i've never met a man
who's made me feel quite so secure
he not like all them other boys
they're all so dumb and immature

theres just one thing that getting in the way
When we go up to bed
you're just not good it's such a shame

I look into your eyes.
I want to get to know you
and then you make this noise and it's apparent that it's over

Its not fair and I think your really mean
I think your really mean,
I think your really mean.

Oh you're supposed to care but you never make me scream
You never make me scream

Oh it's not fair and it's really not okay
It's really not okay
It's really not okay

Oh you're supposed to care but all you do is take
Yeah all you do is take

Oh, I lie here in the wet patch in the middle of the bed
I'm feeling pretty damn hard done by
I spent ages giving head

And then I remember all the nice things
that you've said to me
Maybe I'm just overreacting
maybe you're the one for me.

_______________________________________________________________

Hi. I'm not you. I don't want you to feel bad for me.
I'm sorry I don't sit all day and devise ways to make people feel such things.
I'm not playing a game.
I played your game and I'm tired of it.
I can't be smothered in a never changing world.
Change doesn't mean feelings change.
Maybe if we did something different you would have figured that part out.

________________________________________________________________

On another note completely, I still won't ever forget you.
I promised, I'd never say it if I never thought it was false.
You're much better then anything I deserve.
And I'm positive I'll kick myself in the ass for it one day.

_______________________________________________________________

I wanna make you scream
I wanna braid your hair
I wanna kiss your friends.

I wanna crash you're car
I wanna scratch your cheeks
I wanna make you sick.

I knew you couldn't deal with the ugly in me.
I knew you'd just stand there and hope.
I knew you could never actually do anything about it.
Such a shame.

Am I still your nightmare?

I just can't seem to fall asleep these days.

How sad I am to say I miss you.

But I can say it sincerely, and I can say it honestly.

And I say also, that I will never forget you.
I'll never forget the way you made me feel,
I'll never forget the words you whispered so kindly to me.

I still have everything, all the memories, all the notes.
I will store them away in the back of my mind, just to remind myself.
That I'll never be good enough.
That I never was.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm so in love with the idea of you.
I live in a city of delusion.

Stay away from me,
Build a fortress and shield yourself.
Can't you see how rotten I am.

Can I believe, when I don't trust?
All your fairy tales will one day turn to dust.

But I've been surprised for this long.

Break these walls down.

--------------------------------------------------------

I chose to hide.

I want to enjoy the consequence

I wish to give, to take, to make to shake.
I want to see it happen.

I want to see, to be.
The one that plays the game,
without no fears and regrets.

I want to know you, better than I know myself
I want to feel the end.
And enjoy the consequence.

I'm playing the game, the one that will take me to my end.
I'm waiting for the rain, to wash who I am.
____________________________________________________

I will be fearless.
And I have yet to regret a thing, and in the end,
I will enjoy what I am served.
Because I know whatever it is. I deserve it.

I am the one that picked this out for myself.
I can't say that for all things, but this I can.
How easy it would have been for me to say No.

Easy, yet something I just couldn't do, because it wasn't what I wanted.

In the end, I can't regret this, because I will remember, that at one point,
it was what I wanted. Very much so.

_____________________________________________________

The key to my past.
If you had any idea how destructive those words are.
I should be careful.

Because if that's ever unlocked, were going to have a flood baby.

And it'll just be you and me.
I know there's not enough walls to hold that back.
Not forever.

Just for as long as I have the strength to maintain them.

I'm sure none of us our ready to get our feet wet yet.

Mud.

I'm losing myself again.
Just as surly as I've lost you.
I'll lose you over, again and again
In different forms, in a different way, each time.

But every time, its the same thing I'm losing.


I don't think you loved me for who I was.
I don't think you ever saw that.
I think you loved me for the pain that was inside of me.

No, I will never go there.

I'll watch my life fade before me
Just as you did, on that snowy December day.

Only, as my vision fades to the black that comes after the gray
There won't be any words of comfort. There won't be any chance,
That things will be alright when I wake up.

I don't think comfort will ever feel the same again.
Not now that I've seen that it's just a rosy veil thrown over our eyes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

And now that it's too late, I'm not sure if this is what I really wanted.
Not like this anyway.

What is this going to amount to, besides a whole lot of pain, destruction, and suffering.
I can't see the good in this.
The only thing I can see, is the good in you.

Maybe it's enough for you, to be able to hold the whole of me in your hands.
But it's certainly not something I can deal with for long.
I'm just not built for this.
Not any of this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I'm calling your ass up,
At like three in the morning,
Saying wake up, young dragon
Lets go get compromised.

I never asked for this.

But then again, neither did you.

Maybe no one will ever come to understand me,
because half the time I don't understand myself.

I just do, what I know needs to be done.
I cant give you reasons, because I don't have them.
Just feelings.

Even then I'm confused.
I don't understand this.
I don't understand you.

I walked from one fortress to another.
I'm so sick.
And so tired.

But none of the keys fit.
I'm ready to lay in the grass and give up.
I thought that's what I had been doing all along.
But I don't think so.

Too much rain in paradise.
And I broke my umbrella with the last storm.








And for you,
It's not what you think.
But I'm glad the main point is sinking in.
Much better off now.
Because every time I come back in,
everything fucks up.

I never wanted to say goodbye
But I am now.
Not because it's what I want.
Not because it's what you want.
But because it's the right thing to do.

I'm falling,

The world is going dark,
And the ocean comes up to swallow me.

If only this state could last.
I could lay here, forever, in this small space, just knowing you are close
Knowing you are safe.

Everything's going to be fine, right?
Everything's going to be fine... Right?!
Everything's going to be fine.. RIGHT!?!?

To walk into something so personal.
I wonder how it felt for you, to have someone intrude
When you just want the world to disappear.

You were so mad at me, but I couldn't leave it alone
I couldn't leave you alone.
I'm sorry, maybe it would have been better, If I had just never met you.
If you never knew me, if none of this ever happened.

I may have forgot to warn you, that I'm bad news.
I ruin lives, I ruin people.
How could I do anything else, when I myself
am so thoroughly wrecked.

I'm so sorry, all of this had to happen.
You're so different now, I'm so sorry, that I did this to you.
I'm so sorry, that I dragged you down with me.

I'm going to try harder now,
Because I don't want this to happen
Maybe you are right
Maybe I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt.

If this happens

I will never be able to forgive myself
I will never be able to live with myself.